As I get older I naturally find it more difficult to establish quick rapport and trust with teenagers in the context of routine physicals, and the advent of texting has acutely worsened this trouble.
I routinely ask teenagers’ parents to leave the room at some point. This is an attempt to create some privileged and private space in which any embarrassing concerns, prohibited behaviors, or frank confessions can be voiced without parental scorn. Occasionally a teenager will bring up worries about sexually transmitted infections, or stresses in family life, or more rarely an issue that might constitute abuse. Mostly they just can’t wait for the visit to be over, and so I don’t drag things out. But even though I’ve tried to create a little buffer of privacy in which some trust and candor can take root, there is still a hovering presence, and omnipresent other in the room at all times that cannot be shown the door. It is the text messaging addiction.
I can barely finish a sentence sometimes. The cell phone vibrates, the iPhone alerts… NEW MESSAGE! There can be no sustained focus to a conversation, as the patient must look down and scroll through the communication, as if it were the most important and timely bit of information in the world. We might be talking about how to prevent teenage pregnancy, or how to stay safe at parties, or about the insidious onset of depression, but some other unseen interlocutor is barging in with – hey dude, wassup? I’m just chillin’
Like a complacent parent I rarely engage the issue. It is endemic to the population. When I have asked teenagers (and adults, really) to put away their cell phones and text messaging devices, it’s almost as if I’ve offended them, and closed that door of trust and openness with a judgmental slam. When I asked one child how many text messages he averages a month, he replied that last month he hit 12,000, easy. My jaw dropped. There were 30 days in that month. That’s 400 text messages per day. That’s a mind-numbing 25 text messages per hour, assuming all 16 productive, non-sleeping hours are devoted to maniacal communication. I get about one text message on my phone per day, and even this small intrusion sometimes feels like a horsefly.
But I suspect there is guerrilla, Amish-style revolution among us. The Resistance seeks to preserve a world order that prizes some modicum of privacy, away from the tweets, facebook feeds, manic texts, the pings, hums, and beeps that constantly fragment our waking moments. The revolution is of varying degrees and durations. Although being more socially connected is beneficial in many ways, what sense of self can we nurture when we are constantly plugged in to the matrix? Have we become like the countless cells that make up our bodies, secreting chemokines, blindly responding to hormonal cues, obeying the electric signals that bind us to our shrinking world? Is there a sense developing that a life experience hasn’t really happened until it has been recorded publicly and broadcast widely?
In the context of the office visit I feel defeated each time a text message comes bounding into the room. It is an intrusion as real as the insurance companies, HMO’s, and malpractice threats that have contaminated the doctor-patient relationship.
We should all be selectively Amish at times and turn off our cell phones, feeds, social networking sites, and blogs. There is peace and comfort in un-electrified solitude, beneath white clouds in summer skies, with glorious dirt beneath our nails, and not an electronic tether in sight.
with the quantity of communication, the quality has of course been compromised. when i was in school, a phone to a friend’s house likely meant a parent picking up the phone and having a brief conversation before handing the phone off. Come to think of it, i knew all of my friends’ parents.
Living down the street from a high school, It’s common for me to see two or more people silently walking down the street together texting. Like communication, it’s interesting to ponder how shallow most things have become in our culture. Television has mostly been reduced to profit over substance. On paper “Reality” TV is obviously a better, less risky investment than sitcoms which require expensive salaries, writers, etc. – Same thing in music and the film industry. You’d think that Rap music would be a great medium for addressing issues in our society, or calling out corrupt politicians and corporations, but i’ve never really heard it go much farther than ego-driven masturbation.
New movies are usually something dredged up from the past, or based on a successful book. (Transformers and G.I. Joe are currently big at the box office) the idea of remakes must be be a comfortable, low-risk option for the corporations who churn them out) There always seems to be a horror movie being released, as i guess experiencing fear reminds the teens that they are alive; and i guess the super hero movies allow us to believe that there still are real heros in the world. (even though politicians, athletes, and entertainers always fall short)
New music seems to have suffered as well, as i can’t imagine Disney or American Idol embracing most of the groups that shaped the music of a generation like the 60’s. In fact, I’d struggle to name 3 groups in the last 30 years that will be relevant 30 years from now. (as opposed to the plethora from a time like the 60s)
While rambling on about this, i’d say that without a national cause or struggle, we’re probably so comfortable that we’re boring, and don’t have a lot to say. Other generations were cursed w/ struggle, but it made for better art, a common cause, and maybe more meaninful relationships. (Reminds me of the Chinese saying/curse, “may you live in interesting times.”)
We’re so focused on instant gratification, that the “process” of creation has become an inconvenience. It’s amazing to think that in previous times, and in other places, the creative process itself was where we often found meaning. Our communication (i.e. texting) has become a shallow morse code about nothing, and much of our entertainment is one or two rungs above staring at a strobe light.
anyway, i think it’s more important than ever for parents to make sure that kids don’t lose themselves in the noise of today’s world. There are still a lot of meaningful things out there, but (unlike the amish) you have to put in a little more effort to experience them.
Awesome comment, one that deserves to be elevated to the level of a post itself! Your thoughts on culture and the creative process are particularly good. Thanks for adding this.
Interesting. I don’t seem to have this problem with my teen patients. I give them the respect of my full attention and expect them to return the courtesy, which they generally do. I wonder if the key word there is “expect”; as in I express my expectations in word, behavior and body language, to which they respond. Then again, I begin the interaction in the waiting room when I greet them, and continue to engage them as they get weighed and measured (literally, not figuratively), so by the time we get to the exam room we’re already in the middle of our conversation.
Or maybe I’m more fun to talk to than someone else who may be texting them.
To the First Commenter,
Comparing to the “good ol’ days” irritates me. I’m not sure what it is that leads people to idealize the past. Rhetoric like “they sure don’t make things like they did” is worthless. It isn’t that earlier machines were of superior quality, it’s that they were much simpler. A cathode ray tube has been replaced by a liquid crystal. A landline has been replaced by cellular service with SMS capability. The letter replaced the landline. The letter replaced the courier. It’s just a progression in technology, an evolution.
The founding of a country with an aim to separate church and state must have been fanatically opposed by dogmatic people because it would derail morality in general. Indeed, the advent of television must have meant an end to the sacredness of family evenings. Oh my, how did we ever manage? Get a grip.
There are crappy television shows now (The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien) and in 1954 (The Tonight Show hosted by Steve Allen). There are quality programs now (see Frontline or NOVA). Music is generational. Unfortunately not every kid knows The Beatles. The kids these days will find modern bands, like them, and stick with them until they’re old and grey.
These text messages are a mode of transportation for modern gossip. Gossip can be meaningless, yet it has existed since the dawn of time. It’s much easier to share now, such that it truly can travel faster than sound.
I don’t believe that people or animals are meant to forever live in a static world. It isn’t the way nature works: climate changes; trends change; technology changes; hell, even the spelling and pronunciation of words evolve. Part of having a longer life span is the opportunity to see a new generation take the old and do something new with it. We may not think it better, but why should you worry? Most Congressmen are old and just as repulsed with the new as you. It’s like an old adage says, ‘you can start life as a hardcore liberal and, without changing a single view, end up a cranky old republican.’
Contrary to your view on the matter, people can make meaning in whatever they want whenever they want. It’s a personal choice. If you find meaning in sharing news over a text message, go for it. If you find meaning in sending somebody a handwritten letter then I won’t stop you! This meaning, whether in making or doing something, is abound. The general utility of some can be criticized, but you know what – it’s their life and they’ll do what they want with it. If people like it they’ll buy it, that’s capitalism for you.
I’m not trying to come across as too arrogant, because I understand your sentiment on these matters (I chose to stick with a landline) but the thesis to my objection is holding the past on some kind of pedestal. I don’t agree it deserves that because people are evolving. If the past was so good wouldn’t we have stuck with it?
Regards,
Chris
About 15-20 years ago I was in a restaurant in La Jolla, and realized I was seeing the future. This was before texting. A group of guys in their 20s came in, sat down at a table, each instantly whipping out a cell phone, and, while looking off into space in some direction other than the others at the table, began a conversation with someone at some other place.
So they sat together, but really weren’t together. Texting is just an extension of that mode, where we’re not mentally where we are physically, and maybe we’re not mentally anywhere in the real world. TV, video games, texting — all ways of not really being anywhere, not accomplishing anything, just passing time. Sooner or later, and maybe we already see signs of the personal problems that come with a constant need to be somewhere else, with someone else, but even if we were with that someone else, we’d be texting to another someone else.
I think you’d enjoy a cell-phone jammer in your office.
My HMO wants me to spend $60 a year for the privilege of being able to email them. Perhaps for a few bucks more, they’ll let me text them my serious questions about health. Unfortunately, I have never used a cell phone for texting, so all those quaint little short words that abbreviate experience elude me.
Constant chatter is not actual experience. It is the absence of experience pretending to be experience. It doesn’t take very much physical activity to text, and all that brain firing is going nowhere very quickly. Texting must feel so much like real life, pretty soon it will be hard to tell the difference.
re: Chris
I think you over simplified my statements. Let me be brief, as i previously rambled on. Text messaging, Reality TV, and a public that is obsessed with increasingly shallow, shiny things to me are symptoms of a larger phenomena. That being that we increasingly look for meaning in “stuff,” and value things according to shallow benchmarks & instant ego-driven gratification. A symptom of this has been the lack meaningful communication among young people. I don’t just think that texting is “faster” – i think it is often a superficial way to communicate.
I think that even though the “good old days weren’t always good,” (and i am hardly a conservative, as you have pegged me) it is worth noting that 30 years from now, we will probably view this time period as largely living in the shallow “ego” – I think, like the 80’s, it will be seen as a time of greed and instant gratification. that is apparent in how many young people communicate w/ each other, as well as the art and entertainment that is being embraced.
Ten years ago, I was at a conference in Savannah with my banking colleagues. At the lunch break we all walked out of our hotel, and crossed the street to a pavilion on the bay. Here we were, surrounded by antebellum history and modern industry, nature and water. All five of them were on the phone, and could have been anywhere. It was instructive.
I have often wished for a pocket device, which could be used to disrupt nearby communication signals. Push the button, and everyone in the immediate area would be dropped from their network. After a few minutes of confusion, they would be forced to address the people around them. I suspect that the device exists, but is illegal for certain very good reasons. But still, I want one.
great commentary. i dig this issue.
From what I’ve seen with my kids, talking to doctors is why mom is there. They will sit there an look at me to answer for them the question the doctor just asked directly to them. They may as well be texting their friends for all the input they have.
It’s not just teenagers. My husband and his colleagues are slaves to their chosen multitasking technology. The first time I went to dinner with a group of them, every single one of them laid at least one, and in some cases two ‘phones’ on the table so that any incoming communication would be read, rejected, reviewed, and possibly even responded to – immediately. Throughout the evening each of them would casually, or a casual as you can be while engaging in pleasant dinner discussion, reach over to said device to read something. Occasionally they would do this simultaneously, as the communications were often work-related, and these were work colleagues. So all five of them might reach for their device, thus creating a large gap in attention to the speaker. Umm…awkward? I was astounded. I’m from Silicon Valley – it’s not uncommon to see people with bluetooth devices in both ears and enough PDA holsters to, presumably, launch an attack on some unsuspecting technophobe country, but to ignore the communicator in front of you, in favor of the remote communicator during what I considered a “nice” dinner, caused my jaw to hit the table. Several times. Stopped at a stoplight? Better refresh the device – an email might have come in since the last stoplight. My husband does not work in a life-or-death field.
I understand the desire to maximize time efficiency. Standing in line at the DMV and being able to conduct business (or even chat with friends) is a nice thing. But not understanding that there is a time and place for everything irks me. There’s some Buddhist saying about not letting your things control you…seems appropriate in this instance.
note to emmy (and others):
Parents need to set standards. You show that you care about someone, your children or even people you interact with, by encouraging them, cajoling them, forcing them to interact in the real world with real people. You do this because you need to defend them from being taken advantage of.
There is no power in making someone dependent on you, only weakness. If there is anyone on the planet you must be mentoring, it is your own child. You mentor someone by empowering them, making them responsible for their own decisions.
How ’bout letting the teenagers message YOU before or after the visit? Maybe they would feel it’s better for them, open a private channel of communication with them which they are already using, and let them let you know what is bothering them? They are not stupid, maybe they don’t have any reason to trust you. They’ll trust you more if you let them know they can use SMS as a way to communicate what they think is wrong.